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[No, that's not all]

Essentially. We're both very occupied with work to have time for much more. And it works well enough. Neither of us feel we're missing anything.

[ the sigh is small, but audible nonetheless. it takes his shoulders in one fell swoop. the pause isn't exactly lengthy, but, it's enough for him to try to get his thoughts in order. to put them into words. when he speaks again there's a measure of quiet to his voice. one that replaces his usual boundless enthusiasm. ]

Sasuke and I...

We've gotten really good at resonating with each other, and even though he doesn't say it with his words, I know that he thinks of me as a friend. But- sometimes...

Sometimes it feels like we're both trying to find the same thing, but with our eyes closed.

We train together, and take meals together, and we patrol together, but in the end, Sasuke is always shut away in his room.

While I stand outside, and don't know how to knock.

Edited 2014-04-07 23:26 (UTC)

[Neji's hum is contemplative. For all that they used to have separate rooms and residences altogether, he's never actively shut Lee out. There's always been that quiet understanding between them, but for Sasuke and Naruto there's a disconnect- a distance they don't know how to breach]

I understand.

[And he does, because for awhile, he had the same sort of relationship with Hinata. They were cousins that cared for one another, but that difference of birth drew distance between them, made it hard to casually speak to one another. It still happened to them sometimes, but she's less afraid to approach him now- or was.

They overcame that through Hinata's persistent kindness and years of training together]

It's something you should ask him about sometime, Naruto. Be honest, because he may not realize how you're taking his silence. It might just be that he wants time to himself and isn't actively trying to shut you out.

Or perhaps that is what he's doing, and it's a problem both of you need to sort out. In any case, nothing will change if it's not addressed in some fashion. Because if you try to force him out of solitude, you may meet with growing resistance. Or it could simply be that he's waiting for you, and all you need to do is ask.

[ neji begins to answer, each word measured out as though he knows it's exact weight. it's exact place. naruto's hands are still- open and upturned in his lap, and his gaze remains on his open window. the sunlight that filters in and leaves his floorboards warm. but then-

or it could simply be that he's waiting for you, and all you need to do is ask.

the words hit something hard in his stomach, and naruto's vision swims. it's a ripple that takes him back to konoha, when he'd been small. when he'd walked home every night, and passed that one dock.

at his back, is the wall he and sasuke share. ]

I knew he was always alone. And watching him, I felt reassured that I wasn't the only one. But to be honest, every time I saw him, I wanted to walk over and start talking. [ the laugh is small, a huff of breath. ]

It made me happy, because I felt like he understood me. But I always stopped.

I guess... I was jealous because he was always so good at everything. In some ways, even now we're still rivals. But my bond with him saved me. [ one he hand lifts, and naruto's fingers graze the scar on his chest. the place where a kunai was once buried. ] Nothing will ever be able to take away the suffering he's known, and I know he has lots of secrets. Memories of times and people- things he probably wants to forget. And I think that's okay.

But Neji-

I wanna fill his heart with other things too.

[Neji doesn't know why Naruto's telling him all this all of a sudden. For all his insight into other people, he's not a psychologist and relies a great deal on physical cues to decipher them. The verbal ones now are enough to gauge Naruto's mood- the reflective tone to laughing sadness; a memory of childhood and difficulty, then finally quiet determination.

For all of that however, Naruto wants help with Sasuke and Neji has very little to go on. His way of thought is too structured and straightforward to truly grasp deeper emotions without seeing them, and while he may share some similarities with Sasuke, his own loneliness had been self-enforced and bitter.

But for Naruto, he tries. Lets his eyes fall closed and sits calmly as though slipping into meditation, remaining mindful of the person on the other end of the line]

You're friends, Naruto. Teammates and now partners. Is his distance causing him to fall short of any of those standards in your eyes, or is there something else you want from him?

No.

[ the answer is immediate, but not short. a denial based on fact instead of vehemence. naruto would never consider any of his friends capable of falling short. not in any capacity. they've always tried their best, worked their hardest, and given their all.

people are not failures.
people are people.

but beyond that, naruto isn't reaching out because their bond is suffering. instead it's-

the chuckle comes out under his breath, and naruto's head tilts back. rests against the wall. ]

I guess this is pretty strange, huh?

It's only that- I wonder how Lee was able to reach out to you. You're a quiet guy, and I always thought everything came so easily to you. Maybe it just reminded me of him.

We're shinobi, so we're always coming together in a fight. But this war won't last forever. And I don't want- I don't want anyone to become lost, when it's over. I want Sasuke to have memories and experiences that- [ that are more than how they've been taught to define a ninja. where he can have worth outside of his strength and outside of a battle. ]

I want to be his partner, even when we don't need to be partners anymore.

[Neji smiles to himself, wonders again why Naruto thinks that being hailed as a genius is easy. He's pretty sure that much of his own talent stems from defiance. Of being told there's a wall he can't climb over and childishly deciding that it's exactly what he'll do. And over time, as he aged, those walls grew taller and instead of people telling him he can't do something, they expect him to excel, and it's a similar pressure. He'd show everyone, or bring that wall down where it stands.

Because he's not afraid of what's behind it, hasn't given thought as to whether or not it's protecting him, and that's the recklessness that drives him when the chips are down, what made him leap in front of Hinata in his final moments.

What is death after all, but another obstacle to overcome? It carries him over to the thought of Shibusen's war ending]

We'll all go home when the war's over, Naruto. You can't control whether or not he'll retain those memories when that happens.

[ there really isn't any certainty, as far as shibusen is concerned.

naruto wonders what it will mean for him, for any of them, and instead of being afraid- of closing his eyes, covering his ears- he digs in his heels. they'll make their own destinies.

the smile that finds his mouth might not feel like a victory, but it feels like peace. ]

Oi, Neji. I already told you, I'm opening up the first ramen stand in Death City.

[ because sakura-chan had already asked him-
that doesn't mean you can't go back, though. that you can't be with everyone again.
but- but i won't be with everyone again.
because what neji isn't saying is that not everyone can go back. that even if they do, they won't be together. there isn't a choice he can make where he'll be able to be with all of the people he loves. he knows that. but neji can't go home. and there isn't a single nin among them that would leave a friend behind. ]

[Neji's amusement is a tiny breath of air, lacking feeling. Because he knows he won't be able to go home with everyone. And that might be okay if the memory of Lee sobbing brokenly in his arms didn't plague him. He's already hurt him too many times and Lee wants to protect him, but he can't. Not from this.

Leave it to Naruto to have faith, saying it like Shibusen can't just kick him- any of them -home if he opens a restaurant in the city. But it isn't fair and he's almost willing to let Naruto fight on his behalf- until he realizes he doesn't have to.

His eyes snap open, fingers moving up to toy with the short ends of his hair. There's nothing there anymore, and he smiles. He's never really fought for himself before, but there's no one to stop him, to put him down for daring to rise against a higher power.

Shibusen isn't Hyuuga, and they won't send him to his death- send Auron, Mello, or anyone else- to their deaths just because they say so. Maybe Auron told him to accept it, and perhaps that's the wisest thing to do, but he's free now and is only under Shibusen's command because that's what he's chosen for himself, here.

No, he will fight- for himself, for others in his same position and the sadness that would spread over their departures by those that grew to care for them]

Thank you, Naruto. [For being willing to fight for him, to stay with him, for reminding him he's strong]

I'll be one of your first customers.

Edited 2014-04-09 02:05 (UTC)

[But back on topic, before Naruto reads too far into all that]

A team is a family, Naruto. I know you know that.. better than either Sakura or Sasuke do. Lee, Tenten, and I are the same. Gai-sensei, too. Our strength lies an intrinsic understanding of one another that we've come to over the years.

[He's very carefully avoiding past tense]

But with you, Sakura, and Sasuke, I always feel like there's contention in some areas between you- unresolved issues. It's holding you back from your true potential as both a family and partners.

[Sakura's fixation on Sasuke, Naruto's lingering feelings for Sakura, and all the pain he knows Sasuke's attempting to bury in those abyssal eyes]

So in order to be better friends, to deepen resonance and reach an understanding with Sasuke and even Sakura, I strongly feel those will need to be worked out between you. A soul wavelength attack after all, is the complete harmonization between a Meister and Weapon's soul.

But there's no need to worry, Naruto. It might be difficult and take time, but once you get to that point, even Sasuke won't remain untouched.

For now however, I still believe speaking with him about your concerns would be the best initial step to take.

[ it really is something else. to hear those words come from someone else. he's not sure when it happened, not exactly. in the academy, when the teams had first been assigned, naruto would never have predicted that these people- would become so precious. something he doesn't have the words to describe. but maybe that was the nature of the bond itself.

down the hall, he can hear movement. sakura coming in the door, speaking quietly with sasuke about her day. there are three pairs of shoes in the foyer and there are dirty dishes in the sink. there is the sound of life, all around him. a space that he can share with others, for the very first time.

naruto's eyes close, and neji's words of encouragement find a willing foothold in his chest. because naruto thinks- he thinks that when you're alone, all you think about is dying. but when there are two of you, three- all you think about is surviving. ]

Thank you, Neji.

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